Yesterday, I had to say good-bye for now to two very dear friends. Brandon & Abbey are moving to Chicago. In fact, they are probably loading their U-Haul as I am typing this. I am excited to see where the Lord leads them, as I know He has great plans for them. But I am also sad to see them go. They have had a big impact on so many people's lives, including my own. I earnestly hope and pray that our paths will cross again someday.
Last night, Sara, Jennifer, Abbey and I went out for coffee for one last chance to share in each other's lives as they have been. It put me into a very reflective mood. I got home and decided to process through these thoughts by writing in my journal. An hour and a half later, page after page of thoughts, and an entire gel pen of ink used, I'm not sure I am any farther than I was. I truly enjoy writing in my journal and I used to do it frequently. Now, due to my schedule, I tend to be inconsistent. I struggle to find the meaning that it used to, though I still benefit from its use. I can write and write, page after page, and it seems to be nothing but nonsense, selfish ramblings. I know movies are not reality, but sometimes I think I am waiting for my journal entries to be like those of Sabrina's boss from the 90's version of Sabrina. "Everyday, I sat in a cafe, I drank coffee and I wrote nonsense in a journal. Then suddenly, it was not nonsense." (I apologize if my quote is not exact as I am quoting it from memory.) I never used to think that what I wrote was nonsense, but recently, that's all I seem to spew forth. Is that all journals are really for? To spew forth selfish nonsense? Have I held them in too idealistic of a position within my mind? I don't plan on quitting or giving up. I will continue to strive to find meaning and purpose in the words that I scribble. Someday, it will not be nonsense!