My Way or Yahweh...?

When I was in junior high, our church did a children's musical. I played the role of the High Priestess and sang a song entitled "My Way or Yahweh", forcing the king to make a decision between my magical ways and those of Yahweh- or God. To this day, that song has stuck with me for different reasons. (And it doesn't help that my dad likes to quote the title whenever my stubborn streak decides to spark!)

I've been attending a bible study at the church, looking into the lives of Jacob's family. Yesterday, this song was brought to mind again by something our pastor said in our bible study- (not exact quote) we need to be sure that we are not doing God's Will our way. In other words, the end does not justify the means; we need to not get in the way of God's plans for us; we need to stop trying to make things happen. He used the example of Jacob and Rebekah fooling Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob instead of Esau. Yes, that may have been God's ultimate desire and plan as was prophesied to Rebekah in Genesis 25:23, but if they had been patient, wouldn't God have provided a plan that didn't lead through deceit?

But this poses a question in my mind: How can I be sure that my actions are Yahweh's and not my way? Where is the line? Where do our actions stop and God's directions take over? Is there even a line? Where do our dreams end and God's plans begin?

This question (or questions) carries a lot of relevance for me right now as I desperately want to leave the job I am currently in. I look for new listings online every week and check the local paper, but nothing has captured my eye. Should I be applying for positions that don't sound appealing because it might be different than I think it will? But I don't want to settle for just anything. And I don't think that just sitting around waiting for God to plop something into my lap is entirely right either. So how can I make sure that I'm following God's will His way and not my own? I want to choose Yahweh...not my way.

This is the only answer I have right now...
"Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Can I Hear an Amen..?

Finally, I have discovered that I am not alone in this place called Nashville. Saturday night I went to a gathering of the "20somethings" from New River Fellowship, the church I've been attending. What a neat group of people! And they seem to have an amazing group dynamic! There was fellowship with food, worship and prayer. And everyone was very welcoming. I met wonderful people with whom I hope to develop new friendships- not that they could ever take the place of all of you whom I love so dearly! This opportunity did give me a new glimmer of hope that was desperately needed. Now I can tarry on for another day...

The Power of Books...

Have you ever had a book that you were so completely enthralled by that you couldn't stop thinking about it, replaying the images it conjured over and over again in your mind? Well, I currently have two and it is causing quite the dilemma. Recently, I have had an insatiable appetite for reading novels, some of which are probably of a questionable nature, and I just can't stop. As soon as I finish one, I immediately pick up the next! One series I started reading just last week and I'm already on the third book- and these are 450 page novels or longer. This third book is one part of my dilemma. You see, I like to read during my lunch breaks in my car, as it distracts my mind from the duldrums of my job. But, I didn't think this book was the kind of book I wanted to read during those times; it's much more of an at-home-by-yourself type book. So, I brought another book with me to read during my repose and have found it to be just as exhilarating as the other. And sometimes, while reading over lunch, I have to stop in an akward place so I'm not late returning. I'm so enraptured by both stories (and my mind has played them up during the workday)that I can't decide which to read when I get home. I've been choosing merely on the merit of which has the most activity occuring at the time. And so I begin to read, forgetting dinner or television, and just read. Time flies and when I finally look up long enough to register the time displayed on the nearest clock I realize that four hours have gone by in seemingly a blink of an eye. It's past my bedtime, but I still can't stop. I must keep reading. My heart is pounding in my ears, my excited shallow breathing causes my muscles to tense, adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my pulse quickens...how could anyone sleep at a time like this! I've been hypnotized by the symbols on each page and I don't even realize that the sun has gone down...

AHHH...I feel like screaming!!!

Wrote this blog last week and just didn't publish it, but it's holding true still now, so I thought I'd share. Hopefully I'm not coming off as whiny or complaining because that was not my intention...
So, I'm going to come right out and say it because I don't care anymore who knows... I do NOT like my new job in Nashville! I've never been more bored in my life! I've never worked in a more disorganized place. I've never been treated in such a disrespectful and demeaning manner. And I'm tired of being the pawn in the middle of the power struggle between other people in the office! Somebody get me outta here!
I also found out several weeks ago that my old job in WDM was open (though I'm not sure if it is now). I cannot even begin to tell you how tempting that has sounded. I have so many people that I love that are there. I had the most amazing boss anyone could ever hope for. I actually enjoyed my job. And the weirdest thing- there are actually things about Iowa that I miss. One that has hit me hard lately is thunderstorms. They get them in Nashville, but they are infrequent and mild. I LOVE thunderstorms.
I know God brought me here. I am not doubting that He has a purpose in bringing me here. And I am trying to keep this situation before Him in prayer at all times. But I am tired of the constant, day-by-day battle. He has promised victory, but how do you hang on in the mean time? And with my entire support system approximately 650 miles away, what's a girl to do? Except maybe vent on her blog...