Life on a rollercoaster...

Lately, I have felt as though I am riding a rollercoaster. I know everyone's lives feel this way at times, but mine has been extreme, tiresome and especially irksome recently. I would enjoy a good dose of steadiness. My high points, naturally, crest on the weekends as I'm with friends and acquaintances that lift my spirits and keep me active. My low points dip lower and lower throughout the week as I dredge through work and empty nights.
Last week I was taken for a loop. Holiday family issues arose as we were planning my trip home for Thanksgiving. Although, this should not be a surprise. But then, as my grandpa celebrated his 74th birthday, he was taken to the hospital because he couldn't breathe. He is still there. They have run a battery of tests and have not found anything concrete. He is still unable to breathe properly on his own. On top of that, the hospital can't seem to regulate his diabetes. It almost seems they are hurting him more than helping him. My grandpa and I are very close. And I can't be there with him.
I suppose I should be enjoying my rollercoaster. They are meant to be exciting. I suppose if I had the steadiness I now desire I would feel as though I were stagnant. The grass is always greener...isn't it.

L'espérance est le songe d'un homme éveillé.
Hope is the dream of a waking man. –Aristotle
(Quote listed on French Word-A-Day)

I just might stay...

I took a major step (for me) in establishing myself in the community last night. I got a library card. And this has brought a new weight of responsibility. I am now a resident of Davidson County and in the neighborhood of the Edmonson branch. Of course I do already have a Tennessee driver's license and Tennessee plates and am registered to vote here. But my anonymity had stayed intact. I didn't feel anonymous anymore after last night. I felt eyes peering at me around every corner. Felt them boring straight through my pretense. I was uncomfortable, to say the least. I know, I know...it sounds ridiculous. Of course, no one was really paying attention to me beyond the occasional glance as I moved past them. Yet, I still couldn't shake the feeling of being naked in a room full of people. So, I suppose if I'm going to expose myself to the local populace, I might as well stay.

To leave off with a quote, something befitting (quoted on French-Word-A-Day blog):
...quelquefois...mon esprit joue, et quelquefois je ris et fais la moue...
...sometimes...my mind plays, and sometimes I laugh and pull a face (pout)...
--from "Oeuvres de Scarron," by Paul Scarron

Thoughts of now...

I know I haven't blogged for awhile- sorry about that. I've sat in front of a blank computer screen several times with the intention of writing, but I've struggled to compile coherent thoughts. Sometimes with writers' block you have to push through. So, that's what I am doing.

While bored at work the other day I started doing odd quizzes, personality tests, etc. This was one I thought was fun and interesting and mostly true (even though I usually don't celebrate Halloween):

What Your Halloween Habits Say About You

A bit of an introvert, you like the special occasions just as much as everyone else. You just have your own unique way of celebrating Halloween. Sneaky and devious, people should really watch out for you. You are usually underestimated and forgotten. Your inner child is curious, brainy, and maybe even a little gross. You truly fear the dark side of humanity. You are a true misanthrope. You're logical, rational, and not easily effected. Not a lot scares you... especially when it comes to the paranormal. You are a traditionalist with most aspects of your life. You like your Halloween costume to be basic, well made, and conventional enough to wear another year.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

I have started taking a class. I am hoping this class will not only help me gain a new skill, but also a renewed sense of freedom and purpose. Perhaps it will help pull me out of the doldrums...

I have been running into a LOT of brick walls lately (figuratively, not literally). This has brought feelings of confusion and hurt. I realize that most everyone goes through this at some point. I am tired of feeling this way.

I am living in a life of squalor (very much not like me). I seem to have lost my fervor for organization.

Despite many, MANY frustrations as of late, God is still good. He brings encouragement when I feel despondent. Lights of hope when I have lost my way. Warmth of His presence when I am alone.

I will leave you with a quote from another blog that seems appropriate:
"That's part of what keeps us going, I suppose, routines and love and stupid, foolish hope that we won't really destroy the very thing that enables our existence." The Wednesday Chef- October 22, 2007

TV Premieres and My Dilemma...

This week is Premiere week for almost every major television network. This week makes me giddy. I love to watch season premieres of my favorite returning shows and the series premieres for new shows. I don't watch all of them; I pick and choose what I think I will like best. This year I decided to do a little research before the start of the fall season. During my long, boring hours of sitting at a desk with nothing to do, I watched the previews for all the new shows. Several have caught my eye.

Monday- Chuck on NBC, thought it was somewhat funny. Will give it another try.
Big Bang Theory on CBS, was laughing out loud! Especially like the tall, skinny guy.
K-Ville on Fox, wasn't going to watch this one, but found it while flipping through. Have seen 1 1/2 episodes now and kinda like it. But it's another cops-on-the-edge (of the law) show. I don't think I'll be loyal to this one, but may catch it now and again.

Tuesday- NCIS on CBS, been a loyal watcher since the beginning, though I'm not too sure about some of the new twists. Guess I'll have to just keep watching.
Bones on Fox, also been a loyal watcher since the beginning, but I'm frustrated about it changing to Tuesdays (see dilemma below)
House on Fox, I catch this one now and again, though I don't like that they got rid of his team...it feels weird.
Reaper on CW, this show is HILARIOUS!!! Lovin' It!

Wednesday- Bionic Woman on NBC, really liked the pilot; but then I always like shows where girls get to kick a little bootie!
Life on NBC, wasn't planning to watch this one, but caught part of the pilot and my curiosity was piqued. May watch again.
Dirty, Sexy, Money on ABC, not a show I plan to watch. I just can't handle all that drama!

Thursday- Only the greatest night on Television!
SURVIVOR on CBS, liking the miserable conditions in China and like the idea behind going with exactly the clothes on your back, but don't like the outcome. (EW!)
CSI on CBS, always a good show, good carry-over premiere from last season.
My Name is Earl on NBC, not sure where this jail thing's gonna go or for how long. Could get kinda boring.
The Office on NBC, was very excited about Jim & Pam, but this show is part of my major dilemma- see below.
Big Shots on ABC, love the fact that you've got Dylan McDermott AND Michael Vartan, but seeing just part of this show has left me feeling dirty and sorta disgusted.

Friday- Obviously haven't seen these yet, but most are returning...
Numb3rs on CBS, another show I've been loyal to since the beginning. I enjoy David Krumholz and the start of this season looks to be exciting.
Las Vegas on NBC, yet another show I've watched since the beginning and this show is lovingly known as Los Wages to my favorite former roommate Kalee and I- I watch this show in memory of our roomie nights.
Women's Murder Club on ABC, looks very intriguing and again, women are kickin' some bootie!
Moonlight on CBS, it's a vampire show!!! Anyone who knows me should guess that I'd watch this one.

Shows yet to Air- 30Rock on NBC, this show makes me laugh
New Amsterdam on Fox, looks exciting.
Life is Wild on CW, I'm hoping for a family show.
Supernatural on CW, I'll have to wait for the DVDs...

Ok, so I know this shows how utterly non-existent my social life is right now, but what's a girl to do in a big new city without her beloved friends? (Although, I'd be watching TV with them in DM.)

On to my dilemma: a couple of weeks ago as I was rewinding a tape (VHS) that I had been watching, my VCR began to make some not-so-good noises. Then it wouldn't eject my tape. Needless to say, that tape was eaten by the machine and another after it. It was suggested to me that it just needed to be cleaned. So, I took off the cover and proceeded to thoroughly and carefully clean all the heads. With the cover still off, I tried another tape. Much to my disappointment, I sat watching as my VCR was unable to play the tape. Two pieces were broken. I did all that I could, but had to concede defeat. This began my shopping extravaganza.

I looked online, in stores, read reviews and talked to people. I gathered as much info as I could. Of course, you can't buy just a VCR anymore, you can only buy them in DVD combos. Realizing how quickly this form of technology was becoming obsolete, I thought it would be best to get a DVD recorder/VCR combo so I can transfer my many videos to DVD. (Hey, it'll take up less space too!) With the intention to buy, I entered a store. I wanted to make the best purchase possible. As I stood looking at the selections, a store employee approached me to help. After a brief discussion, I was very disappointed to discover that though I may purchase one of these machines, it would be useless with my old analog (I believe this is the correct term) TV. Everything is digital these days and he said there wasn't a converter.

So, I am stuck with no way to tape shows on television. This means I can't see in complete many of the shows that I have been loyal to since their beginnings as I am forced to flip between multiple channels. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays have changed from fun TV nights to frustrating. And my Lifegroup meets every other Friday night, so I'll miss shows then too.

I realize I will survive and and will probably be better for it. This is all just sad commentary on my currently droll life...

My Mis-Adventure in downtown Nashville...

This past Friday night I was all set for my first night-time excursion to downtown Nashville...or so I thought. A friend from Iowa was playing with a band at a place called 12th and Porter. I tried to do as much research before that night as I could. I read about the band, I searched information about the location and even directions. The one thing I missed though- parking. I'm not sure what I was thinking (or if I even was).

As I approached the venue area, I began scanning the surrounding lots and areas for a relatively safe and close parking space. I followed the flow of traffice into a lot just around the corner from my final destination. It was a parking lot with numbered spaces and a high chainlink fence topped with barbed wire. That should have been my first clue or red flag. But this night my mind was somewhere else, absorbed in thoughts of the evening.

I entered the venue, only to find it was a bar with very few people. I noticed some people going through another doorway and inquired whether the band would be performing through there. The answer I received was affirmative, from a small creepy man I might add. So, I paid my cover and walked through the doorway into an almost completely empty room. There was a stage set with musical equipment, a sound booth area at the back and there was a bar on the side. But there were only two other people there. I started to have second thoughts about this venture.

I was to learn later that concerts on this particular stage generally start an hour after the appointed time. So, eventually other people began pouring through the door. This included a friend from church that was a fan of the groups playing and knew people in each. At long last, the show began and I enjoyed the live music immensely. It has been a long time since I've been to a concert.

A little after 11 pm, the music was still going strong, but my friend and I both decided to leave. (We were actually in the back yawning, despite our enjoyment of the music.) We said good-bye to our performing friends and made our way outside. We bade each other adieu and went to our cars in opposite directions. As I approached the entrance to the lot where my car was parked a feeling of dread washed over me. For inhibiting my path was a large gate that had been chained and padlocked to the fence. This was not the kind of gate you could climb over, at least not easily, it was an extension of the fence. I looked to my right and to my left, hoping for an opening I may have earlier missed. There was none I could see. I quickly called my friend (before she could drive too far from the area) and explained my dilemma. Please note that we were not in the best neighborhood. She came around the corner and I climbed into her car. We drove all around the lot searching for anything: an opening, a sign with a name or a phone number, anything other than the giant NO PARKING sign I had evidently overlooked before. One relief through all of this was that my car was still there.

After doing all we could think of with our sleep-deprived minds, we finally accepted defeat and she drove me back to my apartment. She tried to offer words of comfort and encouragement. She even offered some names and phone numbers of people I could call to get a ride the next day (she was going to be out of town). I slowly walked into my home and climbed into bed. I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was my poor car feeling deserted in that lot. Needless to say, I only slept about 2 hours that night.

The next morning I called my parents seeking comfort and wisdom. Though in all honesty, there was nothing they could do or say. I ended up calling a taxi and riding with a man from India (I know this from the India flag prominently displayed) back to that not-so-safe neighborhood hoping and frantically praying that the gate would be open and my car would be there. God heard my prayers that morning, for there in the budding sunlight sat my car behind a wide-open gate. I paid the cabbie and almost ran to my car. Relief washed over me as I heard my locks click open and I climbed into the driver's seat. I kissed the steering wheel in appreciation and promised my precious car that I would clean her soon...I have been neglecting her lately.

All in all, everything turned out alrigh and it was some good lessons learned and only cost me a $30 cab ride. But I will probably think twice before accepting my next invitation to downtown Nashville.

At Home in Iowa...

Last weekend I spent back in my homestate of Iowa. I know most people don't think much of Iowa, but it is my home. Though I really like living in Nashville, and look forward to my future here, Iowa will always be my hometown. I loved seeing and catching up with so many people I love. I know I didn't get to see everyone, but please know that I love all of you very much and miss you. I will be coming back at Thanksgiving- so if you're going to be around, let me know. Below are a few pictures I took on my way to the airport to remind me of green, soybeans and corn. (If they are blurry, it's because I took them from the car while it was moving.) Love to Iowa and Love to all my friends and family there.

I'm a Purple Crayon...

You Are a Purple Crayon

Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors. You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful. People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you. And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off! Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

Iowa...That's where the tall corn grows!

If you didn't know, that is the last line of the Iowa official state song. And yes, sadly, I know all the words as I had to sing it in high school. But this song has been playing through my mind, along with the Io-way song from State Fair the musical, as I prepare to journey back to my homestate. That's right, I'm coming back to Iowa- but just for a visit. Next week I will board a plane to traverse approximately 650 miles across several states all just to say HI to people I love and have missed for these past six months. For those of you I haven't talked with yet, if you want to get together, let me know. Hope to see you there!!!