A Year...

It is 2008. Supposedly the year of new beginnings- or so people have been telling me. Can a year actually "be" something? Can a year be good, bad, or whatever? I'm not so sure that a year can take on one quality. By doing so, are you not ignoring all the days, hours, moments that don't fit that quality? I was trying to qualify my 2007 during a conversation with some friends. The first words that popped into my head were hard, lonely. But not every day was difficult, in fact there were some wonderful days. And not every day was I alone. So, as each year that has come before, 2007 was a year of many things. Some good, some not so good, some down-right awful and some absolutely wonderful... I believe 2008 will also be a year of many things. Adventures that are yet to come...

Nous appellerons émotion une chute brusque de la conscience dans le magique.
We will call emotion the sudden plunge of consciousness into magic.
--Jean-Paul Sartre

J'ai vu un ange dans le marbre et j'ai ciselé jusqu'à l'en libérer.
I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free.
-–Michelangelo
(Both quoted on French-Word-A-Day)

What's in a Name...?

Below are two blogthing results. The first is for my real name- Heather. Pretty accurate, if you know me at all. The second is my new name given to me by my new Other family (see blog below)- Heidi. Also pretty accurate and a lot the same. Interesting...? I think so!

What Heather Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Heidi Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Would you agree?
Test your name... How does it measure up?

My Other Family & a Grinch's Heart...

Psalm 68:6a God places the lonely in families;

This verse was quoted to me by two different friends in the past couple weeks. God was preparing me, showing me His promise before fulfilling it. That doesn't happen very often. Most of the time, I only see the promise in hindsight. Perhaps that's my own lack of insight. Perhaps He's trying to show me each time and I've been too self-focused to see it. But I wished I would have paid more attention.

Anyway, onto my story...

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I will admit that I've felt a bit Grinchy. My heart may even have shrunk. (Ironically, it's my favorite Christmas show.) Knowing that for the first time in twenty-eight years I was not going to be spending Christmas with my family put me in a dour mood. And though I had received an invitation for Christmas Day, I was still moping and wishing Christmas would just pass me by this year.

Christmas Eve started out as just another day. Ran some errands, started some house-cleaning, talked on the phone... And as always time slipped away. I had been waiting for some ingredients for a dessert I was making for Christmas dinner to warm to room temperature, as the recipe insists. I realized it was time to get ready and go to church, for I had been asked to help corral the kids before the service. Rushing out the door, I realized I was heading to a Christmas Eve service. And I didn't really want to go. I didn't want to think about Christmas. So, after helping with the kids, I hung out in the back of the auditorium watching the activity on stage, but not really partaking. Then came the candle-lighting. I politely turned down a candle, just watching as people passed the flame on to each of the people next to them. Then our pastor's son shoves a candle in my hand and lights the wick before I can protest. Though this act made me smile, it still did not help this Grinch's heart to grow.

Afterwards, I was preparing to quietly slip out the door. Just wanted to double-check dinner plans for Christmas day. But Jeanne, whose home I would be invading the next day, insisted that I come to their home that night as well. In fact, she was going to ride with me. So, I went. And I will admit, I had a good time just sitting around the table and talking. Perhaps my heart warmed a bit that night, but it was to all come crashing down.

The next morning, Christmas day, after only about five hours of sleep, I awoke and continued with my desserts for dinner that evening. Called my family, of course, and listened in as they opened their gifts and tasted our traditional breakfast of Monkey Bread and cocoa. After hanging up the phone, I went back to preparing the desserts. And it all fell apart. Literally. As I was removing cakes from pans, objects from the fridge, you name it, it fell and broke or bruised me or burnt me or whatever. I lost it. This was a miserable, horrible day and I wanted to crawl back in bed and make it disappear. I fell to the side of my bed, tears freely flowing, cries of anger and despair radiating from my mind. Nothing was going well and I was not where I wanted or felt I needed to be. I contemplated calling Tom & Jeanne and canceling. I was not a person anyone wanted to be around that day.

But, God was there. He quieted my heart and spoke words of kindness to me. He reminded me of the verse written above and I knew I needed to go. Standing up, I dried my eyes and went back into the kitchen and set about remaking what I could and patching up the rest.

I arrived to their house mid-afternoon. The day went quickly from there with games of pool, a scrumptious meal, and wonderful conversation. (And a quick phone call from a dear friend.) Jonny, Tom & Jeanne's son, and I easily fell into bantering each other as though we were siblings. Friendship and love was passed along to all from all. And the evening ended with a game of Scattergories that brought roaring laughter that knocked us out of our seats and caused tears to stream down our faces. I had not felt part of a family since moving to Nashville since mine (both my actual family and my DM family) is so far away. But this family welcomed me as part of their own. And for that I am forever grateful.

It will not be a Christmas I quickly forget. For this Grinch's heart grew more than just two sizes that day. It sprung forth with joy and love that had been forgotten. For each time we are lonely, God does just as He promises. He places us in families. They may be a bit unconventional, perhaps a hodgepodge of characters. But if we look around us, they are there. Each one needed for a particular time in life, some to carry us throughout. To each of my families, including my newest other family, I wish you all Love this Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year!

For Football Fans...

For all my friends and family out there that are football fans: Pictures from a week and a half ago at the Titans vs. Chargers game...

Holiday Travel...

Wrote this while sitting in the St. Louis airport the day before Thanksgiving on my way home. Just forgot to post...)


It is coming to my realization that a lot of my travel here on out, especially to visit home, will be on or near a holiday. My first trip home after moving to Nashville was over Labor Day weekend. This, my second trip, is during the Thanksgiving holiday. The next projected trip for me will be sometime near Memorial Day. This, of course, is when many other travelers are also embarking on their journeys.

Now, I may not be the most seasoned traveler. I have not traveled to as many places as many people or have flown as much as many businessmen, but I’ve traveled enough to know the rules and some of the short cuts. I am mostly referring to the rules of flying. The safety regulations aren’t that difficult to figure out. And if you have a question, it is easy enough to find the answer. (www.tsa.gov) Why then do people approach the security checkpoints seemingly clueless?

This morning, while standing in the security line at the Nashville airport, I witnessed the ridiculously clueless: The man in front of me literally had to get half undressed just to make it through. First he had to unpack some things from his two different bags, one of them almost being too large to be considered carry-on. Then he had to remove his jacket, his sweatshirt and his cowboy boots. Then he started toward the metal detector. He was called back to remove his cowboy hat and send it through on the belt. Then, just as he turned to go, the lady called to him to remove his belt, as it had too much metal on it (ie. belt buckle and metal stars). As you can imagine, this caused some delays in the forward motion of the line. The lady behind me was getting irritated, or so I would assume from her many exasperated sighs. I just watched the whole spectacle with amusement.

This gentleman is not the first person I’ve witnessed causing hitches in the passage. Many travelers seem to either not know or don’t care. It’s fine if they want to push the limits, but don’t disrupt my path. Don’t cause delays for others around you. And don’t get upset because you’ve been irresponsible.

So, here are a few tips from a fellow traveler: 1) Wear shoes that are easy to get in and out of, not boots or tennis shoes that you have to shove or tie. 2) Don’t wear bulky clothing. If you need to have a jacket, sweatshirt or coat with you, take it off before you get to the line and place it in a bin. 3) If there is anything that must be removed from your carry-on such as a laptop or liquids, have them easy to grab and ready to pull. 4) Have your liquids, creams, gels already in a plastic bag before you get to security- how about before you even get to the airport. And DON’T bring a drink, you are not going to get it past. 5) Don’t wear clothing items that are going to cause problems such as cowboy hats and belt buckles. 6) Have your ticket and id at the ready until you are through check-in and security. 7) If possible, check-in online before you go to the airport. This speeds up your processing time considerably. 8)And lastly, and what I feel to be most important, look the TSA and airline officials in the eye and say “Thank you” or “Have a nice day” or “Happy Holiday”. In my limited experience, they seem to appreciate this. (And I have yet to be stopped at security- I must just have a trusting face. Hee Hee!)

Life on a rollercoaster...

Lately, I have felt as though I am riding a rollercoaster. I know everyone's lives feel this way at times, but mine has been extreme, tiresome and especially irksome recently. I would enjoy a good dose of steadiness. My high points, naturally, crest on the weekends as I'm with friends and acquaintances that lift my spirits and keep me active. My low points dip lower and lower throughout the week as I dredge through work and empty nights.
Last week I was taken for a loop. Holiday family issues arose as we were planning my trip home for Thanksgiving. Although, this should not be a surprise. But then, as my grandpa celebrated his 74th birthday, he was taken to the hospital because he couldn't breathe. He is still there. They have run a battery of tests and have not found anything concrete. He is still unable to breathe properly on his own. On top of that, the hospital can't seem to regulate his diabetes. It almost seems they are hurting him more than helping him. My grandpa and I are very close. And I can't be there with him.
I suppose I should be enjoying my rollercoaster. They are meant to be exciting. I suppose if I had the steadiness I now desire I would feel as though I were stagnant. The grass is always greener...isn't it.

L'espérance est le songe d'un homme éveillé.
Hope is the dream of a waking man. –Aristotle
(Quote listed on French Word-A-Day)

I just might stay...

I took a major step (for me) in establishing myself in the community last night. I got a library card. And this has brought a new weight of responsibility. I am now a resident of Davidson County and in the neighborhood of the Edmonson branch. Of course I do already have a Tennessee driver's license and Tennessee plates and am registered to vote here. But my anonymity had stayed intact. I didn't feel anonymous anymore after last night. I felt eyes peering at me around every corner. Felt them boring straight through my pretense. I was uncomfortable, to say the least. I know, I know...it sounds ridiculous. Of course, no one was really paying attention to me beyond the occasional glance as I moved past them. Yet, I still couldn't shake the feeling of being naked in a room full of people. So, I suppose if I'm going to expose myself to the local populace, I might as well stay.

To leave off with a quote, something befitting (quoted on French-Word-A-Day blog):
...quelquefois...mon esprit joue, et quelquefois je ris et fais la moue...
...sometimes...my mind plays, and sometimes I laugh and pull a face (pout)...
--from "Oeuvres de Scarron," by Paul Scarron

Thoughts of now...

I know I haven't blogged for awhile- sorry about that. I've sat in front of a blank computer screen several times with the intention of writing, but I've struggled to compile coherent thoughts. Sometimes with writers' block you have to push through. So, that's what I am doing.

While bored at work the other day I started doing odd quizzes, personality tests, etc. This was one I thought was fun and interesting and mostly true (even though I usually don't celebrate Halloween):

What Your Halloween Habits Say About You

A bit of an introvert, you like the special occasions just as much as everyone else. You just have your own unique way of celebrating Halloween. Sneaky and devious, people should really watch out for you. You are usually underestimated and forgotten. Your inner child is curious, brainy, and maybe even a little gross. You truly fear the dark side of humanity. You are a true misanthrope. You're logical, rational, and not easily effected. Not a lot scares you... especially when it comes to the paranormal. You are a traditionalist with most aspects of your life. You like your Halloween costume to be basic, well made, and conventional enough to wear another year.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

I have started taking a class. I am hoping this class will not only help me gain a new skill, but also a renewed sense of freedom and purpose. Perhaps it will help pull me out of the doldrums...

I have been running into a LOT of brick walls lately (figuratively, not literally). This has brought feelings of confusion and hurt. I realize that most everyone goes through this at some point. I am tired of feeling this way.

I am living in a life of squalor (very much not like me). I seem to have lost my fervor for organization.

Despite many, MANY frustrations as of late, God is still good. He brings encouragement when I feel despondent. Lights of hope when I have lost my way. Warmth of His presence when I am alone.

I will leave you with a quote from another blog that seems appropriate:
"That's part of what keeps us going, I suppose, routines and love and stupid, foolish hope that we won't really destroy the very thing that enables our existence." The Wednesday Chef- October 22, 2007