My Way or Yahweh...?

When I was in junior high, our church did a children's musical. I played the role of the High Priestess and sang a song entitled "My Way or Yahweh", forcing the king to make a decision between my magical ways and those of Yahweh- or God. To this day, that song has stuck with me for different reasons. (And it doesn't help that my dad likes to quote the title whenever my stubborn streak decides to spark!)

I've been attending a bible study at the church, looking into the lives of Jacob's family. Yesterday, this song was brought to mind again by something our pastor said in our bible study- (not exact quote) we need to be sure that we are not doing God's Will our way. In other words, the end does not justify the means; we need to not get in the way of God's plans for us; we need to stop trying to make things happen. He used the example of Jacob and Rebekah fooling Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob instead of Esau. Yes, that may have been God's ultimate desire and plan as was prophesied to Rebekah in Genesis 25:23, but if they had been patient, wouldn't God have provided a plan that didn't lead through deceit?

But this poses a question in my mind: How can I be sure that my actions are Yahweh's and not my way? Where is the line? Where do our actions stop and God's directions take over? Is there even a line? Where do our dreams end and God's plans begin?

This question (or questions) carries a lot of relevance for me right now as I desperately want to leave the job I am currently in. I look for new listings online every week and check the local paper, but nothing has captured my eye. Should I be applying for positions that don't sound appealing because it might be different than I think it will? But I don't want to settle for just anything. And I don't think that just sitting around waiting for God to plop something into my lap is entirely right either. So how can I make sure that I'm following God's will His way and not my own? I want to choose Yahweh...not my way.

This is the only answer I have right now...
"Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Can I Hear an Amen..?

Finally, I have discovered that I am not alone in this place called Nashville. Saturday night I went to a gathering of the "20somethings" from New River Fellowship, the church I've been attending. What a neat group of people! And they seem to have an amazing group dynamic! There was fellowship with food, worship and prayer. And everyone was very welcoming. I met wonderful people with whom I hope to develop new friendships- not that they could ever take the place of all of you whom I love so dearly! This opportunity did give me a new glimmer of hope that was desperately needed. Now I can tarry on for another day...

The Power of Books...

Have you ever had a book that you were so completely enthralled by that you couldn't stop thinking about it, replaying the images it conjured over and over again in your mind? Well, I currently have two and it is causing quite the dilemma. Recently, I have had an insatiable appetite for reading novels, some of which are probably of a questionable nature, and I just can't stop. As soon as I finish one, I immediately pick up the next! One series I started reading just last week and I'm already on the third book- and these are 450 page novels or longer. This third book is one part of my dilemma. You see, I like to read during my lunch breaks in my car, as it distracts my mind from the duldrums of my job. But, I didn't think this book was the kind of book I wanted to read during those times; it's much more of an at-home-by-yourself type book. So, I brought another book with me to read during my repose and have found it to be just as exhilarating as the other. And sometimes, while reading over lunch, I have to stop in an akward place so I'm not late returning. I'm so enraptured by both stories (and my mind has played them up during the workday)that I can't decide which to read when I get home. I've been choosing merely on the merit of which has the most activity occuring at the time. And so I begin to read, forgetting dinner or television, and just read. Time flies and when I finally look up long enough to register the time displayed on the nearest clock I realize that four hours have gone by in seemingly a blink of an eye. It's past my bedtime, but I still can't stop. I must keep reading. My heart is pounding in my ears, my excited shallow breathing causes my muscles to tense, adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my pulse quickens...how could anyone sleep at a time like this! I've been hypnotized by the symbols on each page and I don't even realize that the sun has gone down...

AHHH...I feel like screaming!!!

Wrote this blog last week and just didn't publish it, but it's holding true still now, so I thought I'd share. Hopefully I'm not coming off as whiny or complaining because that was not my intention...
So, I'm going to come right out and say it because I don't care anymore who knows... I do NOT like my new job in Nashville! I've never been more bored in my life! I've never worked in a more disorganized place. I've never been treated in such a disrespectful and demeaning manner. And I'm tired of being the pawn in the middle of the power struggle between other people in the office! Somebody get me outta here!
I also found out several weeks ago that my old job in WDM was open (though I'm not sure if it is now). I cannot even begin to tell you how tempting that has sounded. I have so many people that I love that are there. I had the most amazing boss anyone could ever hope for. I actually enjoyed my job. And the weirdest thing- there are actually things about Iowa that I miss. One that has hit me hard lately is thunderstorms. They get them in Nashville, but they are infrequent and mild. I LOVE thunderstorms.
I know God brought me here. I am not doubting that He has a purpose in bringing me here. And I am trying to keep this situation before Him in prayer at all times. But I am tired of the constant, day-by-day battle. He has promised victory, but how do you hang on in the mean time? And with my entire support system approximately 650 miles away, what's a girl to do? Except maybe vent on her blog...

Flashback...

This weekend I went to the theatre to see Pirates 3. My opinions on this movie match relatively closely with critics and friends alike, so I'm not going to get into that. But while I was getting settled in my seat, a preview for Transformers came on. Seeing this flashed me back to my senior year of college...

I had a friend, Dave. We had been friends for almost four years. We had a lot of fun together goofing around, hanging out, talking about cars... That fall, I had a job at the mall and he would come visit me almost once a week. During my breaks, we would walk down the mall talking about just about everything. Many times, we would end up in Gadzooks to view the new shirts that were out. This was about the time that all the 80s stuff we had grown up with was coming back onto the scene: Care Bears, GI Joe, Rainbow Brite, Hee-Man, Transformers, etc. We used to laugh and reminisce about what we watched and played with as kids, we had lots of fun! Well, we discovered we had both loved Transformers as kids. That May, when the time came for me to graduate and move from the area, Dave gave me a very special present. He gave me a Megatron shirt. And not just any shirt- it's one of those silky polyester shirts that look like the comic has been painted right onto the material all over the shirt. I loved it and love it still as it hangs in my closet awaiting for those times I deem special enough to wear it.

Well, a very special opportunity for the shirt is quickly approaching as the new movie opens July 4. Don't know if I'll make it to the midnight showing, but I can guarantee you I will be in the theatre sometime that week! It seems odd that I won't be going to see it with Dave - we talked about the idea of a Transformers movie so many times! Unfortunately, we lost touch after I moved away. Dave, if you're around, let me know. It doesn't seem right to see this movie without you, yet I also know I would be in trouble with you if I didn't see it. Well, when the time comes, you will be on my mind as I view it...

Oh, PS: If you haven't seen Pirates yet, and hadn't heard, be sure to stay until the end of the credits for the final scene.

Love Y'all!

I found IT on...

Uh-Oh! I just might be hooked. I have opened myself an eBay account and have even made my first purchase. Well...I should say purchases, as I actually have acquired 3 prints from an art dealer. I must say, it was all a bit overwhelming and I was a bit trepidatious as I hovered over the "commit" button. But, now that the process is over, I'm very excited about my new pieces. Of course, they are only inexpensive prints. The responsibility of owning a real masterpiece is beyond my abilities.


This is a Robert Doisneau, Calvary on Champs de Mars. I have one other Doisneau, so this should add nicely to my hopefully blossoming collection.



I have quite a few Monet prints that currently grace my bedroom walls. This is one (Houses of Parliament) that has been a little elusive in the acquiring of a decent print, but I think this one looks quite good. Can anyone name the Pierce Brosnan movie that brought this painting superfluous popularity?



This is a Marc Chagall. I found his works while surfing the web and there are some that mesmerize me- including this The Blue Circus. I hope to add several more, but will wait until I can find quality prints at decent prices.

Now, I just need to purchase frames and find wall space for these...

Insanity...an answer to any problem!

Dear Friends and Family,
If you are reading this, please don't worry about me for I have concocted a plan of provision for many years to come. I have decided to allow the insanity to set in and infest my being. I will be placed in a nice, clean home with padded walls. I will be fed three meals a day along with plenty of "happy" pills to help me forget everything I'm missing. If I'm good enough, I should be able to keep this up for many years, maintaining my comfortable status.

Alright, so maybe I am joking...like you couldn't figure it out. But lately I have felt like I am going insane, mainly from boredom at work. I don't understand not working, I don't understand being held back. It's causing me to question my sanity. That's all I can say here...

But tonight, starting at 7 pm (central), I will not be bored! Though I am appx. 650 miles away, I will be connected in spirit to people I love through the art of reality television, known as Survivor! I don't know how I ever got hooked on the show- sometimes I've wondered if Karla or Jennifer slipped me something in the food they made :) Whatever the reason, I'm grateful. Every Thursday I feel surrounded by so much love, even though I am alone, because I know they are doing the same thing I am and offering up prayers for all the members of our Survivor Family. So, tonight will be grand and will definitely (as always) be the hightlight of my week!

To all my friends and family: I very much miss you all and send my love with lots of air hugs!

Finally...!

Well, here it is. I'm finally getting in the long blog with photos that I've been promising for so long. Can you believe I've been in Nashville for over two months now? I can't. I don't have tons of news, so I suppose it will mainly be photos, But, prepare yourself anyway- clear those thoughts and moisten those eyes, it might be a long ride...
First my apartment. It's not bad. It's small but it's clean (well, sort of). It's noisy, especially with all the pets around. Cats serenading anyone willing to listen during the night. Dogs barking to let you know that the wind is stirring the leaves again. Oh, and don't forget the car alarms that seem to go off just as you're falling asleep. I think it all bothers me more than it should mainly because I've been spoiled the last couple of years with the wonderful place that Kalee and I shared in Urbandale. But all in all, it's a good place.

This is the view from my porch door. Or at least it was a few weeks ago when the trees were in bloom. Now there's just leaves that are half brown from the Dogwood Winter we had in March. For those of you who don't know (I didn't until someone told me) a Dogwood Winter is a blast of freezing temperatures that happens after the Dogwood trees are already in bloom.

This is my new couch. It's a soft Charcoal gray microsuede. I love it! It's very cozy and I can lounge on it anyway I want to and I'm always comfortable. I have recently purchased two rich navy blue pillows for it of a similar material. They match some of my pictures. Oh, and the coffee table- I drove to Atlanta, GA, to IKEA and purchased that, carried it into my apartment and put it together all by myself. For not being handy, I thought I did a pretty good job. The dresser was actually harder (see later photo).

This is the rest of my living room- my fireplace and mantel. I've added more picutres, in a sort of collage in front of my fireplace on the floor. I sorta ran out of wall space. Following is a closer view of my mantel.


This is a picutre of a picture. When my parents came to visit over Easter, we were shopping in the Cool Springs Galleria and my parents decided I needed a nice picture for over my sofa. I know it's hard to tell with the glare, but it goes with everything perfectly. They practically forced me to get it. Sorry, Mom and Dad if you're reading this, but you have to admit that- I said no several times and it wasn't until you said you'd pay for it did I agree. :)

This is my dining room and kitchen.

This is my new bed- nice and comfy!

This is my new washer & dryer. I can't describe how weird it feels to purchase something like this. It made me feel older and like I had to be responsible now. But I absolutely love having them. I can do a load of laundry anytime I like and don't have to worry about waiting to pile it all together to take it to a laundry mat.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I went on my first trip for work- I escorted a band that was taking a trip to Chicago. They didn't play anywhere, in fact they didn't even bring their instruments; it was just a trip for fun. And I think they did have fun. We went downtown mostly. I've always liked Chicago. And it felt great to be in the Midwest again. I understand people here- not just how they talk, but how they think. I can't explain it, but Southerners just have a different way of looking at things sometimes. The band I was escorting was from Alabama. Now, in the two months I have been in Nashville, I haven't even begun to pick up a Southern accent- there's enough people around that don't speak with one or with only a gentle hint of an accent that it's been easy to ignore. But the five days I was with the band from Alabama- I was speaking like someone who's lived there for years. Their accents were so strong that I couldn't help but pick it up while I was with them. But now that I haven't heard it for a couple of weeks again, I have resorted to my typical Midwestern accent- which according to my boss is strong, but not a true Midwestern accent. She says I have hints of other speech as well, I guess so...whatever. So, here's the trip:

This is T-Rex Sue from the Field Museum of Natural History. I'm glad I haven't seen Night at the Museum yet, otherwise I might have been scared that Sue would step off her mount and chase me around the museum.

This is one of the elephants on display. I really wanted to take a picture from the other side and come up with something witty to say, but I figured it would end up coming across crass, so I thought better of it.

This is a South American tribal statue. I just liked it. Not that I would want one of my own, but I found it interesting.


This is Wrigley Field. It was freezing cold the day we were there, but completely worth it!


This is my favorite player, but not just because he's good. I like sharing a name with a Cub's player. I really wanted to get his jersey, cause then maybe I could claim some special connection, but it didn't work out. Too bad. (If you didn't realize, it's Derrick Lee.)

I really enjoy baseball. But I will admit, it's much more fun to see the game in person than on TV. Oh, and while there I had a hotdog. How could I not. It would be like going to Hershey, PA and not eating chocolate!



These are views of the city from the Skydeck at the Sears Tower. I've been up there and I must say, I enjoy visiting it. First, the whoosh through your veins as one of the fastest elevators in the world rushes you towards the top. Then the view (on a clear day of course) is incredible. I love seeing the city from a bird's viewpoint. I like to see how many places I can recognize and point out to others.



These are of Hard Rock Cafe' in Chicago. I enjoy fun restaurants like that, even when I've been a patron before. I also added to my and my dad's glass collections. I also purchased a guitar pin to go on my leather bag- I think it was a nice addition.


Big Trains, little trains...lots of trains at the Museum of Science and Industry.

I liked this train set- it's a miniature of Chicago.

This was an incredible set, it had bridges, villges and even mountains. Unfortunately, my picture doesn't do it justice.

My favorite part of the Museum of Science and Industry was Yesterday's Main Street. Thisis a lantern that was burning with real fire.



These are storefronts (they're yellow from a setting on my camera to reduce the glare from the glass). My favorite was the corset shop, though I never would have wanted to wear one myself. They look acutely uncomfortable.


Planes, robots and more...oh my!



These are views of Lake Michigan off of Navy Pier. I like lighthouses. They seem to be shrouded in mystery.


We took the band on an evening dinner cruise. The food was good, the entertainment was fun, but the view of the night skyline of Chicago was breathtaking! I realize the pictures are a little blurry- sorry about that. But I still wanted to share them.
Well, that's all the pictures I have to share right now. I hope you enjoyed them. They took a lot of work putting them all in here. If anyone knows of any shortcuts, please let me know.
I've been sitting in Panera for several hours over two days now. While here, my godparents called. They were driving through Nashville on their way home to Nebraska after spending 6 months in Florida. They stopped and we visited for awhile. It's always great to see a friendly face! Nancy, while sitting here with me, made several calls to track down a lady that she knew from her youth that lives here. She finally got ahold of her and had me talk with her. She seemed very nice and extremely friendly. Especially with getting a call out of the blue from someone you haven't spoken to in years and then to be handed off to someone you didn't even know existed. Nancy wanted me to connect with her because she believed this lady could help me with career connections and other things. She gave me some great ideas and helpful tips. I find it interesting, since being here in Nashville, all the connections I've made have all been with people quite a bit older than me. I think the closest to my age is at least 12 years older than me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this; I would prefer a varied group of acquaintances. But at the same time, I would really like to connect with some people my own age. People I could hang out with. I know it will happen, I'm not worried. Just growing a bit impatient.
I've been planning some day trips to take this summer. A lady I work with has suggested some little places to visit that are no more than a couple hours away. Some places will take money, so those I might wait on. Most, though, were just a place to drive to and walk around. If anyone comes for a visit, I would love to take them on one of these adventures- just a little incentive for anyone who may be toying with the idea.
Well, before I go. I have to ask a favor from my beloved friends and family. I believe more changes are coming my way...not that I haven't had more than my share lately. But I could use some prayer support. Call or email if you want more details- my blog is a little too public.
It's been great hearing from so many of you. I beg you to keep the emails coming. I'm trying to reply to as many as I can as quickly as I can. I love you all and miss you all!