Class...

My adrenaline starts to pulse and my heart begins to pound harder and faster. And so far, all I've done is stretching. But the anticipation of what is to come energizes me. The exertion, the sweat, the pain. I feel electrified. Deep breaths; in through the nose out through the mouth. It's too early to be this worked up. We're only halfway through the warm up. Stay calm. He glances my way and my already animated heart gives an extra flutter. But no distractions are allowed. It is time to focus. Working our way down the floor, we pulverize the air with strong fluid movements. Yelling a rhythmic beat as we take the next pass. Droplets begin to chart their course down my face. I wipe them away, longing for a cool breeze or cold water to dampen the flame of heat that has washed over me. Now, the bag is in front of us, gleaming red. We move, stepping, sliding, turning until contact is made with all the force we possess. The stand tips precariously back. Then in seeming slow-motion it rights itself with a boom of thunder. On and on the storm rages. A strike of lightening, a yell of rage, the boom of thunder, the whispered breath of frustration. It moves on. To the corner I am sent, the mat squishing beneath my feet. Moving with grace and precision, the form takes shape. A turn to the left, then to the right; striking out at the imaginary foe. Very good, the master says, now close your eyes. The movements come again, this time in a swirl of darkness. As I return to the first, breathing deeply, a stripe is added to the growing rainbow of achievement. Line up! The command is barked and we rush to where it all began. We bow in reverence and gratitude. A sigh rushes across the room as we exit the small arena. Water quenches the scorching thirst that has grown over the last hour. A shrug relaxes the tense knot in my shoulders. He flashes me a smile with good tidings for the night. I suppress the giggle that wells within me as I return a shy smile. But shake my head at my own silliness as I gather my belongings and head towards my car.

My heart...

My heart is heavy.
My sword too much to bear.
Will this fight ever end?

I look to the skies
for relief and reprieve.
But my cries are unanswered.

So, on I trudge.
One foot in front of the other.
How long must I go on?

I long for peace.
I long for joy.
My Love, please carry me.

Will You Marry Me...?

Happy Leap Year/Day Everyone!

In celebration of this auspicious Sadie Hawkins holiday: to all my single guy friends: Will you marry me?

Now I completely understand if you say no, but in return I expect you to pay at least one traditional "fine" for your refusal. These can include:
- a kiss
- a 1-pound note (English currency or American $ equivalent)
- a silk gown
- 12 pairs of gloves

I don't have much use for the silk gown or 12 pairs of gloves, but a kiss would do. Or if you're too embarrassed, I will gladly accept money.

However you choose, celebrate today with a little joie de vivre!

(Information source- Wikipedia)

Hunt of a Journey...

I recently passed the one-year anniversary of my move to Nashville and the one-year mark at my job. One year. Wow. It has gone quickly. What do I have to show for it? I guess that I survived. Survived a year of introductions, directions, unfamiliarity, loneliness, newness, etc. What have I gained? New friends, new "family", a community, more independence...

For anyone who may read this blog faithfully or talk to me on a regular basis, you will know that I have struggled with my job since I started. I have many times spoken of the daily harassment I endure from my unscrupulous boss. I have searched for jobs, somewhat half-heartedly, and even interviewed. But I just couldn't take the plunge. Call it a lack of courage or over-abundance of fear or plain old apathy; whatever the excuse, I wasn't going anywhere. Part of me thought that this was really where I was supposed to be. Perhaps this was a test I was to undergo to prove .... what?

But a new fervor has awoken inside me. I again have desire and passion to succeed. To thrive instead of just survive. I am job hunting again. In fact, I have already sent out my resume. It is time (well past time actually) that I stand up for me. That I continue my journey down the path that is laid before me and stop inhibiting the progress.

Pray for me, please.

La vraie pauvreté est celle de l'âme, une pauvreté dans laquelle le mental est toujours dans un tourbillon créé par les doutes, les soucis et les craintes.
Real poverty is that of the soul, a poverty in which the mental is forever a whirlwind, created by doubts, worries, and fears. --Swâmi Râmdâs (Quoted on French-Word-A-Day)

V-day to Remember...

Last night was the first time in several years that I went out for Valentine's day. Now don't get too excited- it wasn't a date. A friend, Philip, organized a group outing, Valentine's Sucks: Dinner & a Movie. But by the end of our joyful evening, not one of those in attendance was saying that Valentine's sucks. Even singles can have fun on the dreaded holiday.

We started the evening at Pie in the Sky, a swanky pizza place in Cool Springs. We had the party room all to ourselves with a wonderful server. We talked, we laughed, we ate great food. My friend, Bria, even had a game with a pound of Starbucks coffee beans as the prize- we had to share a memorable Valentine's story and then we all voted for the best story. I actually won with a story from college about a special rose I received from a friend. I'm looking forward to the coffee!

We had time to kill before heading to the theater, so a few of the girls went to Starbucks. Gotta love Starbucks!

Then off to the movie theater for a 945 showing of Step Up 2 the streets. The movie itself was a little cheesy, but the dancing in it was incredible. It blows my mind how they get their bodies to move like that. The soundtrack was also good- and I'm not much into hiphop. We had fun making fun of the movie and even danced in our seats at the end.

Though I didn't get home til after midnight and am thoroughly exhausted today, it was all worth it. I had a lot of fun. I even let loose the reins and was a bit crazy most of the night. But that's good- crazy times are needed now and again. And I can certainly say that I had a memorable Valentine's day...

What do you Mean I have to share...?

By most technicalities, I grew up as an only child. Though I have a brother and sister now (whom I love dearly and wouldn't trade for anything), I spent many years by myself and never really learned to share. This trait has followed me throughout my life, even into adulthood. Of course I have been aware of it and have tried to compensate for it. But I find that I tend to sway between the extremes. I either want my way or I refuse to give an opinion. The only time I've shared a room was my freshman year at college. I did have a roommate for awhile post-college, but we had a large place and each had our own areas. I am happy to lend a DVD or book, but it better not be for very long and you better be sure to return my copy to me. And don't get me started on sharing the bathroom...

Now that I am on my own again (ie, no roommate), my non-sharing, my-way-or-highway attitude has gained strength and seems to be growing yet. I've been toying with the idea of a roommate again just to help with costs, but consistently find myself turning down prospects because I would have to store some of my stuff and share space. I have some friends that have been spending time with others (without me) and I get jealous because I want them all to myself. There is even the possibility (a strong possibility) that I have had reservations about intimate relationships just because I might have to share part of my life and existence with them.

I may forever be a loner. It's not that I don't know how to share; it just causes me great pain and energy to do it. Could I but snap my fingers and be a different person... but alas, I think I may just like this part of me...

Then again, maybe I just need to grow up.

A Year...

It is 2008. Supposedly the year of new beginnings- or so people have been telling me. Can a year actually "be" something? Can a year be good, bad, or whatever? I'm not so sure that a year can take on one quality. By doing so, are you not ignoring all the days, hours, moments that don't fit that quality? I was trying to qualify my 2007 during a conversation with some friends. The first words that popped into my head were hard, lonely. But not every day was difficult, in fact there were some wonderful days. And not every day was I alone. So, as each year that has come before, 2007 was a year of many things. Some good, some not so good, some down-right awful and some absolutely wonderful... I believe 2008 will also be a year of many things. Adventures that are yet to come...

Nous appellerons émotion une chute brusque de la conscience dans le magique.
We will call emotion the sudden plunge of consciousness into magic.
--Jean-Paul Sartre

J'ai vu un ange dans le marbre et j'ai ciselé jusqu'à l'en libérer.
I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free.
-–Michelangelo
(Both quoted on French-Word-A-Day)

What's in a Name...?

Below are two blogthing results. The first is for my real name- Heather. Pretty accurate, if you know me at all. The second is my new name given to me by my new Other family (see blog below)- Heidi. Also pretty accurate and a lot the same. Interesting...? I think so!

What Heather Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Heidi Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Would you agree?
Test your name... How does it measure up?