Hunt of a Journey...

I recently passed the one-year anniversary of my move to Nashville and the one-year mark at my job. One year. Wow. It has gone quickly. What do I have to show for it? I guess that I survived. Survived a year of introductions, directions, unfamiliarity, loneliness, newness, etc. What have I gained? New friends, new "family", a community, more independence...

For anyone who may read this blog faithfully or talk to me on a regular basis, you will know that I have struggled with my job since I started. I have many times spoken of the daily harassment I endure from my unscrupulous boss. I have searched for jobs, somewhat half-heartedly, and even interviewed. But I just couldn't take the plunge. Call it a lack of courage or over-abundance of fear or plain old apathy; whatever the excuse, I wasn't going anywhere. Part of me thought that this was really where I was supposed to be. Perhaps this was a test I was to undergo to prove .... what?

But a new fervor has awoken inside me. I again have desire and passion to succeed. To thrive instead of just survive. I am job hunting again. In fact, I have already sent out my resume. It is time (well past time actually) that I stand up for me. That I continue my journey down the path that is laid before me and stop inhibiting the progress.

Pray for me, please.

La vraie pauvreté est celle de l'âme, une pauvreté dans laquelle le mental est toujours dans un tourbillon créé par les doutes, les soucis et les craintes.
Real poverty is that of the soul, a poverty in which the mental is forever a whirlwind, created by doubts, worries, and fears. --Swâmi Râmdâs (Quoted on French-Word-A-Day)

V-day to Remember...

Last night was the first time in several years that I went out for Valentine's day. Now don't get too excited- it wasn't a date. A friend, Philip, organized a group outing, Valentine's Sucks: Dinner & a Movie. But by the end of our joyful evening, not one of those in attendance was saying that Valentine's sucks. Even singles can have fun on the dreaded holiday.

We started the evening at Pie in the Sky, a swanky pizza place in Cool Springs. We had the party room all to ourselves with a wonderful server. We talked, we laughed, we ate great food. My friend, Bria, even had a game with a pound of Starbucks coffee beans as the prize- we had to share a memorable Valentine's story and then we all voted for the best story. I actually won with a story from college about a special rose I received from a friend. I'm looking forward to the coffee!

We had time to kill before heading to the theater, so a few of the girls went to Starbucks. Gotta love Starbucks!

Then off to the movie theater for a 945 showing of Step Up 2 the streets. The movie itself was a little cheesy, but the dancing in it was incredible. It blows my mind how they get their bodies to move like that. The soundtrack was also good- and I'm not much into hiphop. We had fun making fun of the movie and even danced in our seats at the end.

Though I didn't get home til after midnight and am thoroughly exhausted today, it was all worth it. I had a lot of fun. I even let loose the reins and was a bit crazy most of the night. But that's good- crazy times are needed now and again. And I can certainly say that I had a memorable Valentine's day...

What do you Mean I have to share...?

By most technicalities, I grew up as an only child. Though I have a brother and sister now (whom I love dearly and wouldn't trade for anything), I spent many years by myself and never really learned to share. This trait has followed me throughout my life, even into adulthood. Of course I have been aware of it and have tried to compensate for it. But I find that I tend to sway between the extremes. I either want my way or I refuse to give an opinion. The only time I've shared a room was my freshman year at college. I did have a roommate for awhile post-college, but we had a large place and each had our own areas. I am happy to lend a DVD or book, but it better not be for very long and you better be sure to return my copy to me. And don't get me started on sharing the bathroom...

Now that I am on my own again (ie, no roommate), my non-sharing, my-way-or-highway attitude has gained strength and seems to be growing yet. I've been toying with the idea of a roommate again just to help with costs, but consistently find myself turning down prospects because I would have to store some of my stuff and share space. I have some friends that have been spending time with others (without me) and I get jealous because I want them all to myself. There is even the possibility (a strong possibility) that I have had reservations about intimate relationships just because I might have to share part of my life and existence with them.

I may forever be a loner. It's not that I don't know how to share; it just causes me great pain and energy to do it. Could I but snap my fingers and be a different person... but alas, I think I may just like this part of me...

Then again, maybe I just need to grow up.

A Year...

It is 2008. Supposedly the year of new beginnings- or so people have been telling me. Can a year actually "be" something? Can a year be good, bad, or whatever? I'm not so sure that a year can take on one quality. By doing so, are you not ignoring all the days, hours, moments that don't fit that quality? I was trying to qualify my 2007 during a conversation with some friends. The first words that popped into my head were hard, lonely. But not every day was difficult, in fact there were some wonderful days. And not every day was I alone. So, as each year that has come before, 2007 was a year of many things. Some good, some not so good, some down-right awful and some absolutely wonderful... I believe 2008 will also be a year of many things. Adventures that are yet to come...

Nous appellerons émotion une chute brusque de la conscience dans le magique.
We will call emotion the sudden plunge of consciousness into magic.
--Jean-Paul Sartre

J'ai vu un ange dans le marbre et j'ai ciselé jusqu'à l'en libérer.
I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free.
-–Michelangelo
(Both quoted on French-Word-A-Day)

What's in a Name...?

Below are two blogthing results. The first is for my real name- Heather. Pretty accurate, if you know me at all. The second is my new name given to me by my new Other family (see blog below)- Heidi. Also pretty accurate and a lot the same. Interesting...? I think so!

What Heather Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Heidi Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Would you agree?
Test your name... How does it measure up?

My Other Family & a Grinch's Heart...

Psalm 68:6a God places the lonely in families;

This verse was quoted to me by two different friends in the past couple weeks. God was preparing me, showing me His promise before fulfilling it. That doesn't happen very often. Most of the time, I only see the promise in hindsight. Perhaps that's my own lack of insight. Perhaps He's trying to show me each time and I've been too self-focused to see it. But I wished I would have paid more attention.

Anyway, onto my story...

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I will admit that I've felt a bit Grinchy. My heart may even have shrunk. (Ironically, it's my favorite Christmas show.) Knowing that for the first time in twenty-eight years I was not going to be spending Christmas with my family put me in a dour mood. And though I had received an invitation for Christmas Day, I was still moping and wishing Christmas would just pass me by this year.

Christmas Eve started out as just another day. Ran some errands, started some house-cleaning, talked on the phone... And as always time slipped away. I had been waiting for some ingredients for a dessert I was making for Christmas dinner to warm to room temperature, as the recipe insists. I realized it was time to get ready and go to church, for I had been asked to help corral the kids before the service. Rushing out the door, I realized I was heading to a Christmas Eve service. And I didn't really want to go. I didn't want to think about Christmas. So, after helping with the kids, I hung out in the back of the auditorium watching the activity on stage, but not really partaking. Then came the candle-lighting. I politely turned down a candle, just watching as people passed the flame on to each of the people next to them. Then our pastor's son shoves a candle in my hand and lights the wick before I can protest. Though this act made me smile, it still did not help this Grinch's heart to grow.

Afterwards, I was preparing to quietly slip out the door. Just wanted to double-check dinner plans for Christmas day. But Jeanne, whose home I would be invading the next day, insisted that I come to their home that night as well. In fact, she was going to ride with me. So, I went. And I will admit, I had a good time just sitting around the table and talking. Perhaps my heart warmed a bit that night, but it was to all come crashing down.

The next morning, Christmas day, after only about five hours of sleep, I awoke and continued with my desserts for dinner that evening. Called my family, of course, and listened in as they opened their gifts and tasted our traditional breakfast of Monkey Bread and cocoa. After hanging up the phone, I went back to preparing the desserts. And it all fell apart. Literally. As I was removing cakes from pans, objects from the fridge, you name it, it fell and broke or bruised me or burnt me or whatever. I lost it. This was a miserable, horrible day and I wanted to crawl back in bed and make it disappear. I fell to the side of my bed, tears freely flowing, cries of anger and despair radiating from my mind. Nothing was going well and I was not where I wanted or felt I needed to be. I contemplated calling Tom & Jeanne and canceling. I was not a person anyone wanted to be around that day.

But, God was there. He quieted my heart and spoke words of kindness to me. He reminded me of the verse written above and I knew I needed to go. Standing up, I dried my eyes and went back into the kitchen and set about remaking what I could and patching up the rest.

I arrived to their house mid-afternoon. The day went quickly from there with games of pool, a scrumptious meal, and wonderful conversation. (And a quick phone call from a dear friend.) Jonny, Tom & Jeanne's son, and I easily fell into bantering each other as though we were siblings. Friendship and love was passed along to all from all. And the evening ended with a game of Scattergories that brought roaring laughter that knocked us out of our seats and caused tears to stream down our faces. I had not felt part of a family since moving to Nashville since mine (both my actual family and my DM family) is so far away. But this family welcomed me as part of their own. And for that I am forever grateful.

It will not be a Christmas I quickly forget. For this Grinch's heart grew more than just two sizes that day. It sprung forth with joy and love that had been forgotten. For each time we are lonely, God does just as He promises. He places us in families. They may be a bit unconventional, perhaps a hodgepodge of characters. But if we look around us, they are there. Each one needed for a particular time in life, some to carry us throughout. To each of my families, including my newest other family, I wish you all Love this Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year!

For Football Fans...

For all my friends and family out there that are football fans: Pictures from a week and a half ago at the Titans vs. Chargers game...

Holiday Travel...

Wrote this while sitting in the St. Louis airport the day before Thanksgiving on my way home. Just forgot to post...)


It is coming to my realization that a lot of my travel here on out, especially to visit home, will be on or near a holiday. My first trip home after moving to Nashville was over Labor Day weekend. This, my second trip, is during the Thanksgiving holiday. The next projected trip for me will be sometime near Memorial Day. This, of course, is when many other travelers are also embarking on their journeys.

Now, I may not be the most seasoned traveler. I have not traveled to as many places as many people or have flown as much as many businessmen, but I’ve traveled enough to know the rules and some of the short cuts. I am mostly referring to the rules of flying. The safety regulations aren’t that difficult to figure out. And if you have a question, it is easy enough to find the answer. (www.tsa.gov) Why then do people approach the security checkpoints seemingly clueless?

This morning, while standing in the security line at the Nashville airport, I witnessed the ridiculously clueless: The man in front of me literally had to get half undressed just to make it through. First he had to unpack some things from his two different bags, one of them almost being too large to be considered carry-on. Then he had to remove his jacket, his sweatshirt and his cowboy boots. Then he started toward the metal detector. He was called back to remove his cowboy hat and send it through on the belt. Then, just as he turned to go, the lady called to him to remove his belt, as it had too much metal on it (ie. belt buckle and metal stars). As you can imagine, this caused some delays in the forward motion of the line. The lady behind me was getting irritated, or so I would assume from her many exasperated sighs. I just watched the whole spectacle with amusement.

This gentleman is not the first person I’ve witnessed causing hitches in the passage. Many travelers seem to either not know or don’t care. It’s fine if they want to push the limits, but don’t disrupt my path. Don’t cause delays for others around you. And don’t get upset because you’ve been irresponsible.

So, here are a few tips from a fellow traveler: 1) Wear shoes that are easy to get in and out of, not boots or tennis shoes that you have to shove or tie. 2) Don’t wear bulky clothing. If you need to have a jacket, sweatshirt or coat with you, take it off before you get to the line and place it in a bin. 3) If there is anything that must be removed from your carry-on such as a laptop or liquids, have them easy to grab and ready to pull. 4) Have your liquids, creams, gels already in a plastic bag before you get to security- how about before you even get to the airport. And DON’T bring a drink, you are not going to get it past. 5) Don’t wear clothing items that are going to cause problems such as cowboy hats and belt buckles. 6) Have your ticket and id at the ready until you are through check-in and security. 7) If possible, check-in online before you go to the airport. This speeds up your processing time considerably. 8)And lastly, and what I feel to be most important, look the TSA and airline officials in the eye and say “Thank you” or “Have a nice day” or “Happy Holiday”. In my limited experience, they seem to appreciate this. (And I have yet to be stopped at security- I must just have a trusting face. Hee Hee!)